I’m a bit too upset right now to form any rational thoughts. Why am i upset? (not going to bother capitalizing the ‘i’s’–sue me…plz don’t actually sue me). I’m upset because the world is unfair. I’m upset because everything seems to just keep getting worse. I feel abandoned and oddly all alone. Even though i’m someone who doesn’t mind the loneliness. The fact that i’m ranting here of all places should put it in perspective; i don’t know what i’m doing –to say in short. My music decided to cut off right about now, making me highly frustrated; i was really feeling Mumford and Sons. And sorry if i’m not using the semi colons correctly, my english professor went over them the other day and i thought why not try em? I’m pretty sure I’m going to piss off some english majors with this text, but it’s okay, we’re all learning…? –Took a short break to get my music back up because i need the motivation. Theres a comforting thought about writing on here and knowing none will read it…but it’s in the public eye, if that makes sense. Anyone essentially can read this, but it’s that thrill. Will someone read it? Will a complete stranger find out how f+cked up i am? Stay tuned. Let me actually get to the point and say why i am sad, not that anyone cares. I have this nagging thought in my head that i am not good enough. Reason being; I try so hard to be apart of people lives, to help them as much as i can, yet, it seems as if I’m their second choice. The only time i seem to be useful to someone is to be a mere entertainment until someone better comes along. It hurts, if I’m going to be honest. I feel as if i have none, absolutely none. Maybe i’m being a little bit selfish, wanting company and all, but am i wrong for feeling that? Whatever. I’m going to go mourn over the fact that i have work in a few hours. I hate my job.
~Ellen Derk (don’t search me up, the names there for the ‘look’)